After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
