I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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