Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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