I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
