hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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