is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
