Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize