I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
