Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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