do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
