Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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