I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
