I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it because I queefed?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize