Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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