Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
