She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
