five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
