I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
