oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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