I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
