I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
