The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize