Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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