No awkward lesbian experiences without me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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