my mouth tastes like poor choices
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
