I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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