I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
