Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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