Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
