im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize