i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
