Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
