i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
