He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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