why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
