Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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