I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Green mimosas i think yes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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