so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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