ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dear god my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
