hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
