Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
