My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
