I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
