I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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