Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if only i could text you this smell
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Randomize
