Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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