If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
