Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a search helicopter?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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