you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
