Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
