I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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