I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
