so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
