Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
