the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
