I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
