party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize