Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
