I smell stomach acid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize