I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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