Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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