i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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