You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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