you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
