im drinking this country out of the recession.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
