weddingsv make me drug and hornr
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
