So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
