We're like a lot better than the average bears
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
