Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
