Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
pray to the hookup gods
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
