Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
