So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
