As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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