So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
