I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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