it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
