its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
