Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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